Love Lockdown
by Usnac
Summary: How will Emily handle the traumatic events after escaping A's dollhouse? Will Alison be able to help Emily get through the darkness or will Emily push Alison farther away than she ever did before? Will Emily find comfort in Alison's arms or will she turn to an another blonde to find peace?
1. Chapter 1

****

**A/N: All mistakes are mine. As always, this story won't be too long. I'm thinking, maybe a three shot. Hope you enjoy!** **  
**  
 _ **  
Losing myself**_

"What are you doing here?" Emily asks, her voice stoic. Her eyes look so very sad, her posture lifeless, her body tired from the lack of sleep. It's obvious that the time the girls spent in A's layer has damaged them in ways they'll never be able to describe.

"I-I just really wanted to see you," Alison stutters out, fidgeting with her fingers.

"So, I came, I saw and now-" the blonde swallows hard. "-now in leaving again."

Gazing into mesmerizing brown orbs a few seconds longer, the blonde turns around to leave, her heart clenching with the thought of leaving Emily behind like this.

"I can't sleep," the brunette blurts out, eyes wide with fear, stopping Alison in her track.

"And I can't eat. I can't shake him off no matter how hard I try. I can't get the pictures out of my head", Emily rambles on, tears gathering in the corner of her eyes, her hands clenching the sheets besides her.

Alison who's been desperate for any form of contact with the brunette ever since she got out of the hellhole kneels in front of the bed, taking Emily's trembling hands in her own.  
"Then let me in, Em. Let me be there for you. _Please_."

"No, I can't. You can't," the brunette tries to shake of the blondes soothing touch, getting out of her bed and causing the blonde to stand up as well. The brunettes demeanor changing instantly.

Emily's eyes flash with darkness and anger. Her body acting on an impulse, pinning the blonde against the wall and causing her to gasps out in shock, the blue eyed girl letting her own tears fall down.

"Don't you understand," Emily rises her voice.

"You can't help me, nobody can. You weren't there. Where were you, Alison? Where were you when I needed you the most? Where are you?" she sobs out, her body giving out.

Still clutching the blondes shirt, Emily slowly falls down on her knees, taking the blonde with her, sobs wrecking both girls bodies.

"I'm right here."

"No, you're not," Emily shakes her head, her face buried in the blondes shirt.

"Yes, I am," Alison replies determinately, trying to make Emily look up to her, only for the brunette to shake off her touch.

"Look at me. Emily look at me."

Alison grabs both of Emily's cheeks brushing her tears away with the pad of her thumps, their faces so close together that they can feel each other's breaths on their lips.

"I am right here. I've been here all this time and I'm not going, so stop trying to push me away. I'm not leaving you. I _can't_ leave you, Em. Don't you understand?"

"Please don't leave," Emily whispers against her lips, eyes closing from exhaustion.

"I'm not," Alison promises.

They stay in that position for a while, Emily leaning against Alison, her face buried in between the blondes neck, while the blondes hands run up and down Emily's back.

Once the brunettes breath evens out and the blonde is sure that she fell into a deep slumber, she gathers the darker girl in her arms, laying her gently down on the bed. As gentle as possible, Alison wraps her arms around Emily, burying her face in the back of the darker girls neck until she falls asleep as well.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Have you ever felt a pain that's so strong that it makes it almost impossible to breathe? Like there's a knife in your heart and an invisible hand is twisting the blade on repeat? The pain shooting through your body so strong that you want to curl up into a ball until it passes?

That's how Alison feels every time Emily is together with Sara.

She's not dumb. She knows that the main reason Emily is so determined to help the short haired blonde is because she feels powerless, out of control and this is her attempt of getting at least a little bit of control and power back. 

_If you can't help yourself, help others  
_  
But it doesn't mean that it hurts any less.  
And it shouldn't. Not when Alison has spent so much time on ignoring her feelings towards the brunette. Not when she did everything to hide them. How is it that the moment she has to hide them, they refuse to stay quiet?

It's ironic, really. The time Emily was in a good mental place and had feelings for the blonde, Alison tried to fight them and now that the brunette is mentally unstable, Alison has no power to fight them any longer.

She doesn't even know how the brunette feels anymore. Not when Emily is doing everything to shut her out.

And she feels like a fucking creep, standing a few yards away from Emily's home, watching the way Sara and Emily interact. She came to talk to Emily, to work through their problems but she can't seem to make her legs move forward now. Not when Sara is standing a little too close to Emily, not when they're embracing each other a little too long.

Alison is good in reading people, it's a game she excellence in. Maybe it's because she had to in order to survive or maybe it's because this is Emily and she always has been able to read the brunette better than anyone else.

It shouldn't hurt _this much_ , should it?

The way Sara's body presses against Emily's shouldn't hurt this much. The way Emily's arms snake around Sara's waist shouldn't knock the wind out of her. Seeing them like this shouldn't cause tears to gather in the corner of her eyes.

So without even talking to Emily, Alison leaves and seeks refugee in the church she's been to more often than not these last few weeks.

And God, her life seriously became just one big joke. The girl, most people would describe as the "devils spawn" finds peace in a church.  
Settling down on a bench the blonde finally lets the tears fall until someone's clears his throat.

Wiping the tears away the blonde turns her head to find Lorenzo standing a few feet behind her, giving her time to put herself together.

"Lorenzo," Alison states.

"Alison," he replies and points at the seat besides her. "May I?" The blonde nods.

They both stay silent. Neither one knowing how to approach the big elephant.  
 _  
They kissed._

And deep down Alison knows that it'll never work out between them, not when everything in her body aches for a certain brunette. And she knows he's a good guy, someone you could rely on and maybe it could have worked out if she never met Emily.

Alison knows that it's her fault. Everything. A, Emily, Lorenzo.

She knows that the kiss should have never happened but she felt alone. Emily's been shutting her out ever since she got out of A's dollhouse finding comfort in someone else's arms. In Sara's arms. Alison knows she has no friends, no real family, people are hating her and talking behind her back.

"I hope I didn't cause much trouble with your father Alison," Lorenzo starts, clearing his throat.

"I kissed you because I wanted to and as much as I don't want you getting in any trouble, I also don't regret it. I'm not trying-"

"- to take advantage of your superior position," a firm voice interrupts causing Alison to freeze with shock.

"Emily Fields," he states.

Releasing a bitter laugh the brunette replies," Funny. I have no idea who you are."

"Em," Alison sighs out. Emily's eyes which have been fixed on Lorenzo connect with blue ones for the first time since she entered the church.

A heavy silence falls over them. The tension thick. Emily's body is trembling with anger, her fist clenching and unclenching.

"I think I should leave," Lorenzo states but it sounds more like a question, his eyes focusing on Alison.

"You probably should," the blonde replies softly.

Emily won't gaze in Ali's direction but the moment the door closes and Lorenzo has left, the brunette turns angrily towards the blonde.

"What the hell are you doing?" the angry brunette demands.

"You're in church, watch your tone."

"Watch my tone?" Emily asks incredulously.  
"Alison. What. Are. You. Doing?"

"I wanted to be alone, okay? I needed a moment for myself. Did you fallow me?" the blonde calls out, her voice echoing through the building.

"So, you were alone with _Lorenzo_ ," the brunette counters, ignoring Alison's question.

Releasing a bitter laugh the blonde replies,"is this what it is about? You're jealous?"

"Oh please, don't flatter yourself Alison. He's almost half you're age it's disgusting. You're probably just stirring him along until you get bored. That's what you always do, isn't it?"

Emily's words are hitting her much more than they're supposed to. Especially because it's nothing that she didn't hear before but hearing them coming from Emily's mouth with such hatred wounds her in more ways than she'll ever be able to explain.

"I forgave you," the blonde whispers out brokenly, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

"I forgave you all. I've spent months in prison and I forgave you. I've been searching everywhere for you, only for you to cut me out of your life and I forgive you. No matter what I do and how hard I try, I will _never_ be able to proof myself to you. You will _never_ forgive me."

Emily is speechless. She expected the blonde to lash out as well. To get angry and to cut her with words, like she used to in the past. But this version of Alison is just a broken shell of the girl she used to know and deep down she knwos that Alison has changed. It's funny what love, fear and anger can do to a person. Even the best ones.

Accepting Emily's silence with defeat, the blonde turns around and leaves the church, leaving Emily behind. The moment she steps out of the church an arm grabs her and pins her against the wall, Emily's hands grabbing her arms.

"Stop running away," she pants against pink full lips. Their faces only inches apart.

"Running away? Emily I've been here all this time. No matter how much you tried to push me away, I've been here. Where are you, Em? I'm losing you and I'm losing myself and I don't know how to stop all this," the blonde sobs out, her body shaking from the force.

"Alison I-"

"No. Don't, okay? I don't need your pity. I've been on my own all this time Emily. So stop feeling sorry for me," she interrupts the brunette angrily. "Now let me go, Em."

"No," Emily replies firmly, her body still pressing Ali against the wall. The blondes body struggling against the brunettes firm hold, trying to break away.

"Emily, let go," she continues to struggle.

"No."

"Let go, Em. Please just let go. Let me go!"

"No. No. No! I can't."

It's like Emily is not herself anymore. Ever since they got out of the dollhouse, Alison noticed certain changes in the brunettes demeanor. The way Emily gets lost in her thoughts, sudden changes of mood. Anger.  
It's different to the Emily she knew before.

"Please let go. You're scaring me," is what it takes for the brunette to finally let go, her eyes widening in shock from her own actions.

"Alison I'm so sorry. I-I'm- I don't know what just happened."

Never in her life before had Alison felt scared from Emily. The brunettes touch, the brunettes eyes, the way she would be around the blonde always being Alison safe haven.

 _Oh, how things have changed_.

"I just need to leave," Alison chokes out through tears, leaving Emily behind.

"I'm scaring myself too," the brunette whispers out into the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: All mistakes are mine. Hope you enjoy!**

 _ **I keep your love locked down, your love locked down**_

"Alison!"

"Alison, just please stop," Emily runs after Ali. The hallway is packed with students making it harder for the brunette to get through the crowd.

It's been a couple of days since the church incident. Emily's been trying more than once to reach out to Alison via phone calls or even house visits only for the blonde to dodge everything. The brunette has been a mess, the thought of Alison being scared of her making her heart clench painfully.

"Please, I just want to talk. Alison," Emily tries again until she loses the blonde in the crowd, banging her fist against a locker desperately. Out of her peripheral the brunette catches sight of her friends, worry latching their faces.

Emily could barely rest these last few days, Alison's wide and fearful gaze hunting her.

It's pretty simple and obvious actually.  
Alison is avoiding Emily, not because she wants to play games or because she's mad at Emily. She just doesn't know how to handle the situation. Neither girl does, not after everything that has happened.

"Em," Hanna calls out, breaking Emily from her thoughts. "The bell rang."

"I don't feel like going to class today," the brunette states her tone leaving no room for arguments.

"Emily you-" Hanna tries again, raising her voice slightly, given that they're alone in the hallway now.

"Not now Hanna, okay? I'm not in the right mood".

The brunette turns around to leave, thinking that this conversation is over, only to be stopped by Hanna's, "you have to let it go. You have to let _her_ go."

As well as Alison's and Emily's relationship has changed, so has Hanna's and Alison's . Hanna doesn't hate Alison anymore, not after the time they've spent together in prison, not after everything she as well as the other blonde have been through. But as much as she doesn't hate Alison anymore, Hanna also knows that Emily is not in a place right now to act on her feelings for the blonde, not before she has control over herself again, knowing that it would destroy them both if they failed on acting on their emotions.

Turning around sharply and gazing into blue eyes that are filled with so much sadness, sadness from things that they've been trough, Emily's eyes start to water, her lower lip trembling. "I wish- oh how I wish I could let her go, Hanna. How I wish I could just quit her."

Swallowing hard the brunette turns around and leaves. Leaving Hanna alone in the hallway.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's almost 2 at night when Alison's phone rings causing the blonde to wake up immediately. Ever since A and the threatening text messages the girl has been on the edge, always expecting the worst.

That's why she's surprised to see Emily's number. She didn't expect the brunette to reach out again for a while, not after ignoring her these last few days. Debating on whether or not to accept the call, Alison's body reacts faster than her. It's almost like her body reacts the way her mind tries to deny.

"Hello?" Alison asks, her voice thick with sleep.

"Alison," a womanly voice starts causing Alison to be more awake now, her body reacting with alarm.

"It's me, Pam."

"What happened?" is Alison's natural reaction, the thought of Emily being hurt making her sick.

"I need you to come over. I-I tried but I can't calm her down. She asks for you and I don't know what else to do," her voice is frantic.

Only then Alison hears the muffled sobs and Pam's soothing voice that has been frantic just seconds ago, trying to calm her daughter down but failing.

"I'm on my way," is all Alison replies before hanging up.

The ride to Emily's is taking her less than 5 minutes, her body refusing to stay calm.

Once there she rushes the stairs up to Emily's room, Pam leaving the door deliberately unlocked, hearing Emily's sobs from downstairs.

The sight in front of her is heartbreaking. The brunette is wrapped up in her mother's arms, her body shaking from the force of her sobs, clinging to the older woman for dear life.

The gasp Alison let's out has 4 eyes snapping towards her. Pam's eyes shine with gratitude. Gratitude for the girl she knows, deep down, has a hold of her daughter that it is hard to grasp the depths of it but knowing as much as she has a hold of Emily, Emily does have one at Alison too. While Emily's show one of confusion but also relief, like she's able to breathe again.

The moment Alison is near enough, the brunette flings her body at the blonde, the force of it having Alison's body nearly fall on top of her. Embracing Emily just as tightly, she tries to calm her down.

"Shhh,"she tries to ease the tension in her lover's body, pulling away a little so she can look into deep brown eyes that are red from tears.

"Shhh," she repeats, running her finger along Emily's scrunched brows, down to her face cupping it lovingly and kissing Emily's forehead, letting her lips linger, tasting the layer of sweat.

Knowing Emily's mother is right beside her and watching every move she focuses on the older women.

"What happened?"

"She had a nightmare. She has them often but not like this. Never like this," she explains desperately. Looking between the two girls, the older woman stands up. "I'll be right downstairs if you need me," the women says, knowing that Alison will be able to calm her daughter down better than her, closing the door softly.

Emily's breathing is shallow, her hands fisting the material of Alison's shirt, her face pressed between Alison's shoulder and neck.

The blonde didn't even realize that she's still in her pjs, the fear that the phone call has caused her taking over every cell in her body.

"Em," she tries. "Em, come on breath with me."

Trying to detach Emily's hands and laying them gently on her own beating heart the blonde tries again. "Please, breathe with me."

Leaning her forehead against the blondes, Emily tries to get her breathing under control, struggling at first but succeeding after a few minutes.

"That's it, baby. Just like this".

And then Emily realizes for the first time in months that she needs Alison's nearness, both emotionally and physically. That she needs to feel the blonde beneath her finger tips just like she's doing now, the way her body presses against the blonde, the heat of her skin. That her body aches every time she's not around her. That she needs Alison.

It's weird, really, the way Emily's body and mind seem to focus only on the blonde and the way she makes her feel.

Dragging her hands down, her trembling fingers start to open the buttons of Alison's shirt, not stopping until every single one is opened.

"Em," the blonde objects but to no avail, Emily continuing nevertheless.

"Em, stop," she tries to stop the brunette girls hands that have opened her shirt know, exposing her bare breasts to the cold air.

"Please," the brunette whimpers.

"Stop. You don't know what you're doing. Em, please st-"

"I won't hurt you," Emily interrupts the shorter girl, her voice louder than intended, eyes wide open with fear and vulnerability.

"Please don't be afraid of me. I would never hurt you, please. I just want to feel your body next to mine. I won't hurt you. I will never hurt you. I just want to lay by your side. Please don't be afraid of me," she rambles on, tears streaming down her face, never once breaking her eye contact with the blonde.

And Alison understand that there's nothing sexual in Emily's action. That the blonde just seeks out the closeness of her body, rather than pursuing a certain act. That her intentions a pure and innocent.

Hoping, her decision won't backfire she allows Emily to undress her, trying to proof something to herself as well as to Emily. That she's just as vulnerable as Emily is.

After taking off the last barrier, she leans against the blonde, causing her to fall against cold sheets, her naked body sprawled out under Emily.

Undressing her herself just as quickly, the brunette lays her body gently on top of Alison, both girls sighing with the first contact of naked skin. Breasts pressed against breasts. Heartbeat against heartbeat.

Even though she's been able to calm down the taller girl, Emily's body is still tense, Alison's hands trying to ease the tension of her shoulder blades with a lovers touch.

"Talk to me," she asks quietly, afraid to ruin the moment.

"I can't," she refuses, shaking her head vehemently.

"Yes you can."

"No, you'll leave. You'll leave me once you find out what I did."

And the desperation and fear in Emily's voice is enough to break her heart just as much as Emily's seems to be broken.

"I will never leave you. You know that. Em, you know tha-"

"I'm a monster," the brunette almost shouts, her body jerking away from Alison's.

"I hurt them, don't you understand?"

"W-who did you hurt? Talk to me."

"Them. Aria, Spencer Hanna," she chokes out her face scrunching up in pain, wrapping her own arms around her naked torso. "Over and over again."

"Em-"

" _I_ did it. Not A or anyone else. It was _me_. Oh my god, I think I'm gonna be sick. What have I done?"

"Emily, Em, you're being irrational please calm down," she tries to reach out but the brunette snatches her hands away.

"Don't touch me, I will hurt you."

"Tell me what happened," the blonde demands not willing to let this one go, not after seeing what it's doing to Emily.

"I think you should leave."

"Tell me what happened."

"Do not push me, Alison," Emily's demeanor is changing know, her voice dangerously low.  
"You don't know what I'm capable of."

"Tell me."

"Leave," she opens the door slightly.

Alison knows this is not what Emily really wants, that she's feeling cornered and that she's lashing out. And she also knows that after every jump the brunette has taken that right now it's her turn to jump, no matter how scary it is.

"I love you."

The moment those three words leave pink lips, Emily's eyes snap towards Alison's. She falters.

"I love you," she repeats again, getting out of bed slowly.

Emily squeezes her eyes shut, choking out a "please, stop."

"I am so I love with you," and Emily's walls come crashing down, the blonde catching the girl she loves, holding her throughout the experience she's re-living, holding her while Emily tells her everything that has happened, holding her while the brunette cries herself to sleep wrapped up in the blondes arms.

And even though they both know that there are so many open questions and unresolved feelings, in this moment they have each other and for now that seems to be enough.

 **TBC**


End file.
